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Narcissism can be a harmful pattern that impacts both the lives of those who have it and the people around them. This impact often leads people to question: Can narcissism be treated? Can a narcissist really change?
The answer is yes, those with narcissism or narcissistic traits can change. The key, however, is a willingness to recognize the harmful patterns in their life and commit to getting help. Without consistent treatment and genuine openness to change, it can be very challenging for someone with narcissism to make meaningful progress.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a pervasive and lifelong pattern of self-centeredness, grandiosity, deep insecurity, and lack of empathy. This pattern will be present in multiple aspects of a person’s life, causing functional impairment and distress in most, if not all, areas. People with narcissism also tend to display traits such as entitlement, consistently seeking validation and praise, and a tendency to exploit others.
Those with NPD or narcissistic traits often struggle with relationships because their arrogance and lack of empathy make it difficult to form meaningful and respectful connections. While some people may exhibit narcissistic traits without having NPD, their symptoms typically have a lesser impact on their lives compared with the clinically significant symptoms of NPD. Even if someone displays similar traits and can act like a “narcissist,” there is a big difference between selfishness and narcissism, so it’s best not to use that term lightly.
Narcissistic traits usually stem from childhood experiences that lead to either arrogance and self-importance or anxiety and insecurity — such as being raised by a narcissistic parent or being the center of attention with limited boundaries. NPD can also be caused by a variety of environmental factors, genetics, or trauma.
Can a Narcissist Change and Get Better?
Yes, those with narcissism or NPD can change, but it takes a lot of hard work and persistence. This is largely due to the fact that symptoms and traits caused by NPD — arrogance, self-centeredness, inability to take criticism, and belief in their rightness — can make them very unwilling to change.
Helping those with NPD can be very difficult because suggesting that their actions are in the wrong and need to change challenges many of their core beliefs, such as their infallibility. Unless there are already cracks in their facade that a mental health professional can draw attention to, they might not see anything wrong with how they act and will see no reason to change something that works for them.
For those with just the traits of narcissism but who are not clinically narcissistic, it can sometimes be possible to put a mirror up to their actions and background and help them realize what they’re doing. Sometimes, this can be enough to motivate change.
Can Someone Stop Being a Narcissist?
Yes, people can stop being narcissists — including no longer meeting diagnostic criteria for NPD. However, this is not an easy process. It requires narcissists to realize that their patterns aren’t helpful and that they should be adjusted. In most cases, the forces promoting change have to outweigh the other side drastically to inspire sustained commitment.
When the root of the problem is eventually reached and healed, which sometimes requires continued care, then someone can “heal out” of NPD.
For people with narcissistic tendencies, the root of their behavior must similarly be reached. However, since their symptoms and patterns aren’t a clinical issue, it’s likely that it could take less time and work to get to the center of things, make the needed adjustments, and curb further narcissistic behavior.
Can a Narcissist Change for Love?
Whether or not a person with NPD or narcissistic personality traits could change for love is a scenario specific to the relationship, which means it’s nearly impossible to make a general statement about the idea. Loving someone might inspire a person to want to change and become a better partner or family member, but it’s important to remember the challenges ahead when that person has the traits of a narcissist.
Love requires mutual care, empathy, and respect—including for boundaries. It is very hard for people who meet the diagnostic criteria for NPD to meet these standards. If you love someone with NPD, it’s important to consider whether the love you believe you share is truly healthy and good for both of you.
If you’re wondering if a narcissist can change for the right person, try to instead shift your thinking to ways a narcissist can change for themselves. Narcissists must be able to reach their own goals and improve their quality of life. Changing for others can cause resentment or lead efforts to change to be disingenuous and misguided. For true, healthy change to occur, the person doing the work of changing has to want it for themselves.
If this idea is on your mind, consider getting support for yourself. Being in love with someone with NPD or narcissistic traits can be difficult. Even if they agree to get help and change their patterns, it’s a long process. Talking to a mental health professional about your situation is the best way to get consistent and informed support. They can help you protect your own well-being by showing you how to set healthy boundaries and develop other helpful strategies.
If you are considering leaving your narcissistic partner, talk to a mental health professional and the people close to you about your choice. Those with narcissistic traits often try to manipulate certain factors like finances, housing, or other relationships to make you stay, so it’s important to develop a plan to keep yourself safe and supported during this process.
Can a Narcissist Change If They Seek Therapy?
Yes, therapy is a key part of helping a narcissist change and helping those exhibits NPD traits improve. Through therapy, those with NPD can develop healthier patterns and relationships. While various types of therapy can be effective in treating NPD or narcissistic tendencies, the person receiving treatment must be open to change and willing to put in work.
If someone close to you with NPD is not willing to commit to getting help and treating their condition, consider whether staying in a relationship with them is a healthy prospect. Make sure to set firm boundaries and do everything you can to protect yourself and your own well-being — including seeing a mental health professional for yourself.
4 Therapeutic Techniques That Can Help a Narcissistic Person Change
Therapists and counselors use a variety of therapeutic techniques to treat NPD, depending on the client’s needs and symptoms. Examples of common treatment approaches for narcissism include:
- Mentalization-based therapy: This approach focuses on establishing a more resolute sense of self and sustained mentalization of the perspectives of others. Stabilizing one’s sense of self can help decrease levels of insecurity and anxiety, and thinking through other people’s perspectives can increase one’s empathy.
- Trauma-focused therapy: This type of therapy uses techniques like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to help people process any traumatic events from their past that are impacting their lives and functioning. Sometimes, childhood trauma can cause people to develop narcissistic traits, so when those events are processed and the wounds healed, narcissists can then change their current unhelpful patterns.
- Skills development and behavioral work: These approaches can use other techniques, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), to help people with NPD improve their interpersonal skills, develop their ability to regulate their emotions, reduce levels of isolation, teach mindfulness and introspection, and build accountability.
- Intensive wraparound care: This is a holistic approach that involves the use of a care team. Each member of the team will treat a different aspect of NPD, though each type of treatment will be tied together within a comprehensive treatment plan.
The Bottom Line
Whether or not a narcissist can change is a complex question, but change is possible with the right commitment and support. Those with narcissistic traits must be willing to confront and adjust their behavior patterns for meaningful change to occur. Effective treatments, such as therapy and skills development, can significantly aid in this transformation, though the process is often challenging. Understanding the root causes and maintaining a consistent effort are crucial for those wondering, “Can a narcissist change?” to realize a positive outcome.
